Zhou‘s Story: Saying goodbye to the old self, rebuilding the new self

The "One Hundred Ways to Evolution" podcast series "Transformation Stories" interviews ordinary people about their transformative journeys. Each person embarks on their own unique hero's journey.

In the seventh episode, we invited my coachee, Zhou Zhou, a former product manager at Meituan. Zhou Zhou was a rising star at Meituan and a somewhat famous figure in the industry circles. When she sought my coaching, she was at a career turning point, hoping to switch to a new industry for greater development opportunities and also to end her long-distance relationship.

After 10 coaching sessions, not only did she successfully switch jobs with a pay raise and reunite with her boyfriend to start a new life, but she also gained more inner strength, becoming more resolute and independent.

Below is an excerpt from her narration about this coaching process, hoping her transformation story can inspire those who are also contemplating a career transition.

——Zoey

Coaching is my top 3 gift of the year: I gained more inner strength

Hello everyone, I am Zhou Zhou. I was a product manager at Meituan for 5 years. While the company highly appreciated me, I still sought a greater breakthrough, especially to delve deeper into a specific industry sector, which was a professional aspiration.

In terms of relationships, I had a quite intense long-distance relationship for the past two years. As our relationship deepened, we encountered many bumps and needed to end the long-distance aspect. During this period, I faced many confusions and wanted to understand myself better, as well as my relationships with others and the world.

I came across Zoey, sharing many successful coaching cases. I could feel Zoey's enthusiasm and energy and admired her thoughtful and earnest content. Additionally, her past clients highly recommended her, which made me believe that she could help me become stronger and better interact with the world.

Looking back over the past year, I must say, coaching is definitely one of the top 3 gifts I prepared for myself this year! I gained more inner strength, and my first reaction to things became to give myself a boost and make my own decisions.

I also learned to accept my vulnerability and confusion. In the past, I always demonstrated a warm, positive, and shining side of me. But actually, inside I had many fragile and confused parts. My emotions are ever-changing, sometimes like a raging flame, sometimes like drifting clouds, and sometimes like soft cotton candy. During the coaching process, I gradually recognized these emotions and stopped avoiding them; we are inseparably one.

I also learned to reduce my dependence on emotional support from others. After coaching, I gradually built my own internal support system, becoming a truly independent individual. My relationship with colleagues and my boss changed from being overly dependent to healthy and sustainable, like comrades in arms; my relationship with my boyfriend also evolved to a new level.

Resignation Farewell

My first coaching topic was how to say goodbye. After working at Meituan for five years, I had developed deep personal feelings with my leader, who was like my sister. I had some emotional dependence on her at work, which made me shrink back when facing new challenges and subconsciously rely on her. But since our paths to happiness were different, I had to leave. In the process, I felt like I owed her something. Discussing the resignation was inevitably emotional for both of us, and frankly, I was scared to communicate with her.

I remember Zoey helping me with a mock conversation, making me realize the loss and grievance deep in my heart. These were emotions I had never expressed in communication with my boss, or rather, I subconsciously ignored them, pretending they didn't exist.

So, I decided, first, to communicate with her with a calm and curious attitude, regardless of her reaction. Second, to seriously deal with my emotions after receiving feedback. Third, to communicate with her in the way I hoped she would communicate with me, thereby influencing our conversation and minimizing mutual hurt.

In the second week of communicating with my leader, our conversation became more rational and pragmatic. Although we still had disagreements on specific issues, at that moment, I suddenly understood her position: as a leader, balancing team interests and personal feelings. Realizing this, my emotions dissipated. I told her that I would do my best to leave the most room for the team.

After coaching, I learned how to express my emotions honestly, maintain my stance while understanding others', and, when facing difficulties, gradually learn to consider others' emotions and demands while remaining rational and calm, making judgments and choices independently.

Long-Distance Relationship Challenge

My second coaching topic, and one of the most important, was about long-distance relationship issues. In this love journey, we always encountered differences and frictions. I hoped my partner would understand my moods, my artistic and idealized nature, and engage in deep conversations, but sometimes, as a tech guy, he couldn't fully understand. He liked to play games, while I had little interest in them. Also, perhaps due to the distance, we seemed to want to control each other to some extent. For instance, I cared a lot about him spending time playing games, and he cared about me going out without telling him. I blamed him for trying to control me, but in reality, I also had quite a bit of control over him.

Once, he called me on his way home, and while I was telling a story, he suddenly said he had to hang up to use the restroom. My confusion and dissatisfaction at that moment were deeply explored in that coaching session. Zoey, unlike her usual gentle self, made me think from his perspective, to understand my boyfriend's needs. This made me realize that sometimes my demands on him were too high, and my own emotional control became a challenge I needed to face.

In that session, guided by Zoey, I also envisioned my ideal intimate relationship for the first time. The love I imagined was like two morning glories intertwined, growing upwards, light and full of vitality, deeply loving each other, and in perfect harmony. I hoped we could both become mentally mature, trusting partners, while also pursuing our own careers.

After this profound coaching session, I immediately had a deep conversation with my boyfriend. We agreed that he wouldn't have to call me immediately after returning home and be constantly with me, but also to respect his gaming, provided he gave me a heads-up to align expectations. He was surprised, and later expressed his love for me in his ways, and his demands and complaints also became less. Since then, our relationship has undergone a significant change. I realized that as long as our hearts are filled with love, there's no need to be overly concerned about the form. Through this transformation, our love has become more mature and independent.

Building an Ideal Life: Designing Multiple Versions of Life

The last topic in my life journey was about my future plans and choices. I often found myself at a crossroads in life, deep in thought: Should I continue to study for a master's degree? Should I choose a product role or shift to another direction? Whenever I embarked on a path, I always wondered about the scenery of another.

Exploring the blueprint of my life for the next five years, Zoey guided me to use Stanford University's life design method, sketching out multiple possible versions of my life together. In this process, I was surprised to find that influencing others and changing the world were my core motivations and ultimate goals. Whether continuing to study or focusing on the product field, these are just different paths to my dreams, each with its unique significance and value.

This life design experience not only clarified my future direction but also made me more confident and determined in my current choices. I began to understand that every choice is not just a decision on a direction, but also an opportunity for self-exploration and growth. Now, I am no longer confused because I know that whichever path I choose, I am moving towards my dreams.

Zoey's Words

It was a privilege to witness the profound inner journey of a person in the stage of transformation. Listening to Zhou Zhou's story, I am reminded of what Chen Haixian once said, "A person's transformation is actually a process of saying goodbye to the old self and rebuilding the new self." This statement profoundly depicts the essence of everyone's growth. This process is full of challenges and pain, accompanied by the relinquishment of the old self.

At the same time, in Zhou Zhou's journey, we dealt with many emotional and interpersonal issues. The deepest learning is actually about balancing personal and others' demands. This also reminds me of Carl Rogers' famous quote, "What is most personal is most universal." Zhou Zhou's experience, though unique to her, is also a commonality in each of our growth paths. I hope her story can also give more strength to those of you who are in the midst of change.