Uga’s Story: how I nurtured inner child and reconciled with my mom

In this second story, I invited my coaching client, Uga. Uga is a Product Manager in Singapore. Through coaching, she has found her life's purpose: to be a dandelion flying freely with awareness, spreading understanding and tolerance.You can hear her sincere and warm voice as she shares her story about finding her true self and building genuine relationships with others

——Zoey

Hear her stories in the podcast “100 Ways to Evolution”!

Meeting Yuga: An Unexpected Path to Product Management

Hello everyone, I'm Yuga, currently a Product Manager in Singapore, focusing on serving users in Southeast Asia. I completed my undergraduate education in China and later studied in the United States, falling in love with this blend of different cultures.

Looking back to last year, I entered the field of product management through a wonderful twist of fate. This was not a clearly planned career path for me, so I often felt lost and doubted myself. At the same time, the internet industry was undergoing significant changes, and the business area I was working in was like uncharted territory. The rules and processes were not fully established, making me question my ability to handle this new role and leaving me with little sense of security.

Fortunately, some of my former colleagues were in the life coaching field. This opened up a possibility for me, and I started to entertain the idea of seeking a life coach. I hoped to gradually break free from confusion and doubt and gain a new perspective to understand and recognize myself.

Healing My Inner Child and Reconnecting with My Mother

I remember a profound moment during my second coaching session with Zoey, focused on my avoidance behavior and gradually leading to the theme of healing my inner child.

Zoey gently asked me, "What does the child inside your heart look like? What is it trying to tell you?" This prompted me to slowly reflect on my past, and I found the image of a timid child, head bowed among adults.

I realized this related to my family situation. My father, being the eldest in the family, viewed me more as an appendage to the extended family, part of his assets. He would use me as a pacifier to resolve conflicts between my grandparents.

As a child, I deeply disliked these situations. I longed for the freedom to play carefree with other children, not to be in a tense environment watching elders argue, acting as their glue. But I was shy and didn’t want to disappoint the adults, so I suffered in silence.

Zoey reminded me that whenever I felt the urge to avoid, I could summon this inner child.

After that session, during a weekend video call with my mom, I brought up this topic. For the first time, I shared my true feelings from childhood with her, asking, "Do you know what I thought as a child? How I felt when you were chatting nearby?"

She was surprised and silent at first, then said, "We're really sorry, we had no idea you were thinking like that."

I was overwhelmed with emotion. The feelings I had harbored for over 20 years were finally understood. The long-suppressed and closed emotions of my inner child were acknowledged and brought into the light. It was incredibly moving to reconcile with my parents after so many years.

That week, I noticed a change in myself at work and in life. I no longer avoided issues. Previously, when faced with a problem, I’d frown and set it aside. But now, I actively sought solutions, asking myself how I could tackle the issue or provide a short-term response. It felt almost magical.

I also felt like my mother and I were growing together, understanding each other more on a spiritual level. As a child, I always thought of my mother as strong and decisive. As an adult, I realized she wasn't always mature in handling things. Now, when facing family issues, I feel more courageous and capable of solving problems and growing with my mom. We started from the same point.

Three Major Changes from Coaching

Firstly, the biggest change was reconciling with myself and beginning to accept my true self. I used to be prone to self-doubt and self-negation. After ten coaching sessions, these feelings faded. Now, I face myself more openly, acknowledging my flaws and deficiencies without harsh self-judgment, as long as I feel I am growing and changing.

Additionally, I gained deeper self-understanding and breakthroughs in recognizing my emotions. I used to get anxious involuntarily, affecting me physically, like muscle tension and stomach discomfort. After a coaching session focused on this, I experienced a subtle change. When feeling tense or anxious, I became more aware and asked myself why I was feeling this way. By acknowledging these emotions, I learned to take responsibility for them and address them.

Coaching also boosted my initiative. I had ideas and plans but lacked the courage to act on them. Coaching helped me devise feasible plans and steps, overcoming laziness and procrastination, encouraging me to take action. This not only motivated me to achieve my goals but also built my confidence and determination.

——Uga

Uga's story, I believe, can resonate with many people. In coaching, I often encounter clients who want to break through many limiting beliefs they hold within, such as "I feel I don't deserve to be loved," "Earning money is a hard task," "I am afraid of not doing well," and so on.

In fact, when we delve deeper into coaching, we often find that inside each of us, there is an inner child that has not been properly soothed. "Loving oneself" is a challenge many people face.

How to love yourself? I too have had moments of not loving myself, like feeling that I had to work hard to be worthy of love. I think the simplest way to love yourself is to start by being aware of your body and emotions. Spend some time after work each day to nourish them. Ask your body what it needs. Ask your inner child what it is trying to tell you. For example, if your body says it needs rest, then take a long sleep over the weekend. If it says it wants to be in a natural environment, then perhaps go hiking and camping on the weekend, or add some green plants to your home.

Every day, we have the opportunity to live as ourselves and nourish ourselves. Start nurturing your inner child! I hope today's story gives you some inspiration.

——Zoey